Life and love

    Well last night proved to be a challenging evening. I know and understand today why last night had to happen. I understand the lessons with in the sadness. Today is the start of something new. This blog started out as one thing and i do believe it will turn into something completely different. If you are out there and you do read my blog I thank You. Though at this point I really dont know why any one would be reading it.

Life

          Well when I started this blog I was living in Virginia, happy, with my boy friend whom I loved very much. We had a dog and an apartment that we both loved very much. He worked a half a day and was home before lunch most of the time. Everything was perfect. In November we celebrated being together a year and a half. surviving distance, lack of money, time apart, the military, so many things. We were okay.
      
            I am with out a doubt a hopeless romantic. I wanted the fairy tale romance. The gentleman, knight in shinning armor. Does he not exist? So now, i'm in what I truly think is a great, loving, honest relationship. One that the movies are made of. This is just not true though. The Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving, my world and relationship crumbled as I knew it. We got into an enormous argument, one that ended our relationship and changed my world completely.
      
               Knowing that you are where you are wanted and where you want to be is like a feeling that is un-parallel to anything one can read about. You have to feel life, be in it to experience it. Love, Hate, Lust, Desire, Admiration, Enjoyment, the list could go on and on, these are feelings that we as humans experience in life that make us different than the animals at our feet and beckon call. Knowing more and wanting better makes us different and unique to everyone around us.
    
            I thought I knew who I was and I thought that I was happy being the UN-WED, wifey type. We weren't getting married because we wanted to know more about each other, because I needed to know more about him. As close as we were was how far away I felt and alone I was sitting right next to him in the same room. How can you be in a house full of people and wonder, "is there something more?" Will there ever be, "the one".
       I have told those closet to me that the man I want doesn't truly exist, he can't be real because it is the one thing that my heart desires and I have no control over. Why is that so? Why are we taught as women to respect our selves and never to settle, that any man that doesn't treat you like the wonderment you are isn't worth our time. We are taught that, or at the very least made to believe that over time, yet he does not exist? Is that possible?

         Is it truly the way of the beast that what out hearts want, i mean truly honestly want, are the very things in which they cannot have. The desire for those things is so great that we ourselves get in our way and the goal never gets accomplished. Is this a fact or is this the way life is for 25 year olds in these days.
      
         At 25 I have managed to fall in love with 2 of the most hurtful men I could have met. Man 1 was just all kinds of wrong, my family has lovingly coined and reference him as simply, FROG! Man number 2, Thanksgiving man, I really loved and has subsequently thrown me off kilter because I really just don't know what happened.
    
       In a weeks time I have managed to move back home and set life back up at mommy's and daddy's again. My parents have been so great and they are so proud of how well I am taking this. But am I really dealing or is it all a show? At this point I don't think I really know. Saturday will be 2 weeks since I left Virginia and it feels like a life time and a day all at the same time. What has happened?